Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
