It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
