halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
