What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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