I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
