your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
