If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
