we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
