i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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