I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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