Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
