Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
