You're my little dorito
Sponge bath it is.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
