someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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