just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
