Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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