Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize