My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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