I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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