he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
