my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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