these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
