I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
