I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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