You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
