So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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