You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have already put on my inside pants.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
