I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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