finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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