there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
