Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
