How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
