I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
