I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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