So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
