I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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