peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
