I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
