Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Let's paint friendship bongs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
