Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
