The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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