if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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