i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize