I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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