my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
