Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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