Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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