____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
