she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
