so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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