I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
