I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's never too late to be topless.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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