I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
