Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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