I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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