Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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