I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
do nipples grow back?
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