Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
