DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
