i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize