i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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