I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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