she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
