I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will pee on everything he values.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
