I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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