I can text with my tongue
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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