its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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