I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
