True but thats because hes a fetus.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
