can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
