You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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