There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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