if only i could text you this smell
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
not ubering you a puppy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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