perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize