I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
