Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
