my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize