They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize