He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
